Let it in, let it all in…

Let it in, let it all in.

Let in your regret. All the feelings around that, let them in. All the shoulds and shouldn’ts about it, let them in. All the shame and the doubt, let it all in. The discomfort, let it in. Your reactions, the plans and strategies, let it in. Let it all in. All of it. Include it all.

Let in the confusion and the urge to act out. Let in the uncertainty and insecurity and the fear.

Let everything in.

Let in the idea that you’re doing it wrong, your contrition, shame, embarrassment. Let in all your repeating memories, the sense that you made a mistake. Let in the mind’s compulsion to work things out. Let it in. Let it all in.

Let in the idea that you might never find relief. The idea that someone dislikes you, or that you’ve offended them or pissed them off, let that in.

All the thoughts, let them in. All the feelings, let them in. All the memories, let them in. All the stories, let them in.

Let everything in.
ALL. OF. IT.

Let in the idea that you’re a fake because you’re still working things out. Let in the feeling that you’re not complete yet and the fear you might never be, and that you’re a hypocrite. Let in the idea that you should have all the answers. Let in the conflicting urges to show yourself and to hide. And let in the shame at wanting either.

Let in impatience. Let in unworthiness. Let in worthlessness. Let in humiliation. Let in hopelessness and despair and the grief. Let in the reluctance to accept and for wanting more. Let in how broken and inadequate you feel you are.

Let in the fact and feeling that you don’t know what you’re doing. Let in your selfishness and your manipulating ways. Let in your lack of love, your unkindness. Let it in. All of it. Let in your resistance, your unwillingness, your ignorance, your arrogance, your self-regard.

Let it in, accept it. It’s all part of you. You’re all of it. And yet beyond it.

Let in the fact that you’ll get it wrong, again and again. Feel like a fool, again and again. Let it in that you’re unliked, unwanted, unseen. Let in that some will hate you. Let in the fact that you’ll never please everyone. Let in your sordid past, your sordid present, your sordid future. Let in your moral failings, your ordinary and unremarkable humanity. And let in how and what you feel about all this. All of it. Let it in.

Let in your undeserving self. Let in your greedy self, your venal self. Let in your hate and rancour and bile. Let in your impatience with all this, let in the sense that you’re above it or should be above it, and the sadness that you’re not.

Let in the fact that you don’t know anything at all, that you have nothing to give. Let in how lonely it makes you feel and how useless. Let in all the final conclusions you want to make about life. Let in that there’s nothing to hold on to, and the only place to rest is the unknown. Let that in. Let in that you wish it were otherwise.

Let in your desire to know and to have and to be. Let in all your preferences and peccadilloes. Let in the fact that you have no idea and you’re just making it up and doing your best as you go. Let in the fact that it isn’t always enough. But let in the fact that that’s okay. And even if it’s not, it is.

Let in the truth that despite all this you’re loved. Let it in.

Let in the possibility that you might never amount to anything, ever, at all. Let in the fact that you’re on your own. Let in the fact that you don’t know how long you’ll have a roof over your head, or health, or anything at all. Let in the uncertainty and the fear and the lament. Let it in.

Let in your weakness, let in your inability to take control. Just let it in. Let in your desperate wanting to be someone, do something, have something. Let it in. Let in all the disappointment that is, was, and will be. Let in how tired you are. Let in your desire to escape it all, to be done with it even though you don’t know what that would mean, what it would even look like. Let in the sense that you’re trapped in this life and it will forever be a burden, and that joy and freedom will never be yours, never be present. Let in that life feels unwanted, and let in the shame you feel about that.

Let in the fact that you’re an inescapably complicated human being. Let in your weakness and indulgence of things that do you no good. Let in the fact you excuse yourself for this.

Let in all your difficult feelings, let in your inability to function. Accept it, forgive it, forgive yourself. And forgive yourself for getting it wrong and ignoring or defying your needs, for doing less than what feels right. Let that in. Let in the imperfect manner in which you live and act.

Let in all your bodily discomfort. Let in the compromises. Let in that you don’t know how to deal with reality. That you might well be subject to delusions and ignorant of truth. Let it in.

Let in the disjunction between mind and will. Let in the fact you suffer. Let in the fact that you don’t know, don’t know, don’t know. Let that in.

Let in that you have no control. Let in your fear and aversion. Let in your fear for the body, your fear of pain and death and loss. Let it in. Let in all your excuses and deflections and lack of integrity. And your fear of being exposed, let it in. Let in your desire to be happy, simply happy. Not in some highfalutin special way, just happy. Let that in.

Now let in the love, the forgiveness. Accept and forgive yourself in all your unforgivable messiness and contradiction. Forgive, love, and accept yourself and all others, and life itself.

You’re not perfect, you don’t act perfectly, let that in. You make mistakes that have consequences. Let it in. Sometimes you hurt or offend or anger others. Let it in. Now forgive it all. And if you can’t, then forgive that.

Because somewhere inside, beneath or amid the stacks of conditions and confusions, is a goodness, a fundamental forgiveness that upholds it all.

And so dear one, simply go forth and be human; letting it all in, and loving and forgiving as you go.

 

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